Thus I thought back to all the "natural" and "man-made" mishaps I've dealt with to come up with a list of things (read: Disasters) that are inevitable for triathletes the longer we continue to toe the line. These are things that when I tell someone else, 90 percent of them will say "OMG! That happened to me once!" This list is by no means exhaustive or conclusive -- it's just based on whatever I could remember. And face it, my memory is not what it used to be, so feel free to add your own "race inevitables" to my list. Hopefully we can have a little fun with it and maybe I'll have new disasters to look out for heading into 2011.
It starts with a statement. Sooner or later, this WILL happen to you during a triathlon race:
- You'll get a drafting penalty (take it from me).
- You will need to make a pitstop at the porta-john -- if you're lucky, you'll find a real bathroom -- I won't tell you what happens if you're unlucky (and I'm talking "number 2" because we all know "number 1" follows its own rules).
- You'll have a "mechanical" -- a flat tire, blown spoke, or thrown chain (in the case of the last one, I hope that Alberto Contador is not right behind you).
- The race course will be reconfigured due to natural disasters or inclement weather.
- The swim will be cancelled due to natural disasters or inclement weather.
- The RACE will be cancelled due to natural disasters or inclement weather. (Yes, 4, 5, AND 6 have happened to me.)
- You'll have to do the entire race in the rain (or snow).
- You will crash (even though I've not experienced this, almost everyone I know has).
- You'll launch your water bottles (and it will be the ones with your critical race nutrition in them).
- You'll have to serve yourself at an aid station or water stop (because, there are only a finite number of volunteers in the world).
- You'll get lost on the course.
- You'll DNF.
- You'll DNS (even the phenomenal Chrissie Wellington couldn't avoid this one).
It seems almost appropriate that I came up with 13 things.